It’s another late night at the apartment and the left side of my bed is empty, comforter neatly pulled to the edge of perfectly fluffed pillows and folded over, exposing an alternate pattern and hue. Aside from active fingertips pouncing on worn keys, my computer is the only form of life in the room, casting dim shadows around me and filling the silence with sweet voices and light guitar chords. I nixed the candles tonight, but the smell of pumpkin spice swirls around the “Wonder Woman” coffee mug beside me, invigorating my senses.
It is my hope that my Superhero alter ego will give me enough strength, along with the caffeine, to spend sufficient time in my literary hideaway tonight.
It really has been a while.
I always tend to approach this blog with my head hung low and my tail between my legs after a long hiatus. It reminds me of high school days, missing homework assignments and contemplating just accepting the ’0′ rather than handing a paper in late. My writing haven is like a trustworthy friend, and when I feel like I don’t have sufficient time to properly delve into my thoughts, I just avoid the interaction altogether. Time passes and instead of fragmented, jumbled updates, I tend to lose touch entirely. And every time it happens, I scold myself later for allowing such black and white thinking to distract me from my lifeline to my creative therapy.
What can say? Work’s been busy, my relationship has since fizzled, I’ve booked many trips, have put more mileage on my car in the past three months than all year in 2013 in effort to see as many people, do as many things as possible.
But it all feels great. Last year when my ex and I broke up for the first time, my best friend and I weren’t talking, I dove into my 2013 climb until I was mentally and physically exhausted, I sulked my entire April family vacation because I was 5th wheel. I jumped quickly into another relationship, an additional blast from the past, and rearranged my ‘happy ending’ vision to include my change in plans. Although there were many instances of positive experiences in 2013, it was more or less a year of personal growth. I learned so much about myself, about who I am as a woman, what I can tolerate and what I want to accomplish, I learned about friendship and love.
The lessons have not been forgotten about this year, and although I haven’t been blogging much to sift through my experiences in detail, I have been channeling my inner voice and documenting bits and pieces of its advice, keeping it close.
I adore this journey that I am on: Although the space beside me is vacant it reminds me that I am leaving room for someone incredible, rather than being hasty with my heart. The empty space reminds me that one day all voids will be properly filled with a perfect fit of a man, not some cookie cutter image of a “good guy.”
I’ve rarely even been sleeping here myself lately. Trips home, late night concerts and New York City fashion shows, work events and road trips to see friends have allowed me to couch surf, cuddle with my sister, and stumble in my room long after the stroke of midnight. In less than a month, I will be on a plane to see my best friend in Michigan before heading off to the Dominican Republic to snag another Passport stamp. In short, life is a whirlwind surrounded by wonderful people, new destination spots, and outstanding career milestones. My goal list is glowing with pride and my inner Super Woman is beaming.
Funny, the way things progress. At 26 years old, I can say with confidence that I have the strength to rely on myself, can create my own happiness, and can look into the future with nothing but a genuine sense of optimism. It is my hope that in time, I will be able to write -second nature- and be able to infuse that same positivity in others…
The best is yet to come.